20/08/2010

another story about relationships

Since i haven't blogged for so long and have no mood to blog yet..i'll just paste something i read..
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

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05/07/2010

some lessons in life from the world cup so far

This world cup has been called the world cup of shocks..started out a bit boring but became better..
It's also the first time i've seen so many girls" interested"... ceh...

There were some lessons we can learn, whether u realise or not...

teamwork vs individualism
 Players like Messi have the individual talent...but this World Player of the Year didn't score any goal..but when he is in Barcelona colours, he shines...
Life is like this...sometimes u feel like u're useless or can't do well...it can be because of the place you are in or the people you are with...of coz we can't always blame the people or place...

One thing for sure..being over confident and too focused on individualism can lead to failure...

Unlike what we've seen from the Germans...somehow they can work well together...
Finally, since I hve no more time to think..here's one good one...
Don't talk big...don't be proud..
coz before pride comes before a fall....
Look at the "hand of god" placed over the face of Mr Maradonna...
Before he even won the world cup, he already started criticizing others and demanded for apology from those who questioned or criticized him...

It would have been "interesting" to see him run around naked in Buenos Aires ...but I'd rather not see a proud guy do so well...
indeed, i dun like to see his pride..but i have to admit..i've got pride(bad pride) in many other areas which I have to learn to overcome...

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21/06/2010

take heed

something I always forget

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

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20/06/2010

Lesson from a Cocoon

I stumbled upon this meaningful article from here



A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
I asked for Strength……… And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom……… And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity………And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage……… And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love……… And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors……… And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted …….. I received everything I needed!

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learning and changing

I'm sure we've all failed in many areas of our lives...no matter how good we think we are, there will be certain areas we all fail in...


for example, you be very efficient and self-sufficient...but you can fail to love...it is really an easy word to say-love...but the hardest thing to do...we all can love our friends...but God asks us to go one step higher - love your enemies..


anyway, back to this topic or learning and changing..


I know the theory but I lack practical practice...


These past few weeks, I've heard and read the best sermons(wisdom , teaching, rebuke , correction, encouragement , etc )


But the problem is me...I sometimes think I have learned or can learn...I make new resolutions..and I fail them so quickly...
Yes, wisdom and discipline is important
But at the moment, if you remove God out of the equation and give me tonnes of wisdom, I will still fail..you, will still fail..


Week after week I thought it'll be better...but things got worse...


Then, I finally concluded that learning and changing, isn't always like Cinderella's fairy-godmother's waving of the magic wand...
I can look at the mirror, and then forget how i look...forget what I need to do to change..


God has been faithful, week after week I get those messages which speak to my heart...messages from people who have lived them out...


Seriously, we've all been disappointed by Christians, whether they're pastors, leaders, counselors or just a fellow member...
At times, i just get so fed up with them and myself in particular....


Is there hope for people like us..people who talk and don't do most of the time?


YES, there is...coz we rely on God's grace...His Strength is made perfect, when we are weak.


I sound like a good Christian at times...but only I know how I've lived my life...it has not been up to God's standards...but this has proven why we can't rely on our own endeavors..or own strength...


I'm glad God has not given up on me although I felt like giving up...
Even just last night, I went to church because I was serving, because I had to...
But God changed things...he made all things work together for good...


If you are still reading up until now and if you are a Christian (hehe ;p ), then remember one thing.
Never stop going to church, never stop "feeding" on Christian stuff...


Have you ever come to a point that the sermons have gone stale? "i've heard that before?" "same old thing"
Oh you are wrong..I was wrong...
Yes, many many many times the sermons are boring and repetitive...but if you don't give up on "feeding" on them, you taste some nice ones which will help you in your life...


If you've not gone to church for so long , or , go but don't feel anything...just ask God to do something
...say something!
I prayed...i forgot about it...but these few weeks..i tasted and was satisfied...
Yup, I still failed...but those words are already deposited in my heart...


It's still up to me to learn and change..but I know I can't do it alone...

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14/06/2010

why? part 2

IF it weren't for my mom, maybe I would have skipped church or gone late due to the World Cup match at 2.30am..

I thought I was going to sleep despite sitting at the 3rd row from the front. But no...

A few things the preacher spoke which pierced into my heart..."Why do troubles keep on happening? It can be that God wants our attention"
I can't remember the exact words but that's how I remember it...

True enough...I may "know" or read or listen to God's Word, but I find it hard to really apply them...I find it hard to seek God.

In our own self sufficiency, we decide to do it our way or by ourselves...

God may not answer they way we want Him to...It's always easy to tell others that God knows best...when it comes to your turn, you may end up lost or disillusioned...

When I think carefully, bad times reveal in us that there's so much pride, "self", love of the world and it's pleasures, lust, covetousness...etc

I end this post knowing that blogging about this won't make any change happen..it's a first step to think about these things..the next step is to trust God and do...persevere...
I can't say I will do it immediately or never do it...

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10/06/2010

why?

 I'm sure all of us ask God why...

Recent and present hard times have just reminded me bad times, tough times or whatever we call it has many purposes.
One thing it highlighted for me is who I really am. How do I react? What evils are inside? What's my stand?

We wouldn't know until tested. Then, it's up to us to humbly learn or proudly deny it..
Easier said than done...but it can be done.

Ouch.........

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